Our BIG decision...

I always have felt a calling to adopt. In fact after my first in vitro success and subsequent miscarriage we attended an adoption seminar at Nightlight Christian Adoption Agency. I just wanted to open all doors. I admired good friends of Ryan's family who fostered and adopted three children after their three biological children were nearly grown. I admired good friends of mine who after struggling with infertility adopted a baby boy and later adopted two more babies. I admired other good friends of ours who also struggled with infertility. Rather than embark on the traditional adoption journey, they opted for snowflake adoption. I'll never forget her calling me to share the news that not only were they pregnant, but pregnant with twins! I had never heard of snowflake adoption until our friends went through it. What is it? There are banks around the world holding frozen embryos, not eggs, embryos. Little lives frozen in time. They await the day their mom and dad decide to go through in vitro again and hopefully add to their family. Some eventually get destroyed as families decide their family is complete and then there are those that become little snowflakes. The genetic parents go through an adoption process finding a loving, stable couple who for whatever reason cannot conceive on their own. Some also are relinquished to the lab or doctor to be given to an infertile couple at the discretion of the doctor. The genetic couple is not involved.  Clayton and Chloe's cycle were my third attempt at in vitro. I knew prior to the egg retrieval that I'd have a lot of eggs...I produce like crazy. In fact that cycle was supposed to be artificial insemination, but I had too many eggs. It was too risky. No Ryan and Kimmi plus 8 here! We had hours (literally) to decide to cancel the cycle or transfer to in vitro. We of course decided to go for it. I had 18 eggs which were fertilized that day. The next day Dr. Kan called to tell us how many took--all 18! He said that's really unheard of and that he'd call back on day 3 to tell us how many were still growing. I'll never forget that call. I was sitting in a back to school training. He said, "You'll never guess how many are still thriving. All 18!" He was truly in awe and explained that typically each phone call the embryos are cut in half in terms of how many are still growing. Dr. Kan said at this point he was not in control, but a higher power. I couldn't have agreed more. On day 5, implantation day, all 18 were still going strong. There were 2 that weren't to the blastocyst stage yet and eventually they did die, but my goodness were we blessed! Two were implanted and the rest is a very happy history. Now, back to my calling to adopt. As my mom and I killed time at Fashion Island before my final doctor's appointment (the one where I came prepared with my suitcase and a list of reasons why I needed to be induced), my mom and I reflected on the escalator at Nordstrom's about how far I had come. Less than a year prior I was in the deepest depths of my infertility struggle and then here I was as big as a house, contractions and all, ready to pop with two perfect blessings. I said to her, "You know, Mom. Maybe this is my calling to adoption. Maybe I'm supposed to adopt my remaining embryos to a couple in need. A couple like Ryan and me who want so desperately to be parents." She just smiled. Ryan and I had already decided that if we did have more children, we wanted it to happen naturally. All of the infertility treatments I experienced: painful exams, difficult surgeries, countless ultrasounds, blood draws, depressing phone calls, awful injections, failed attempts, a miscarriage...I was done. I was getting ready to welcome two perfect little lives into my world. I couldn't have been more happy. We decided, though, to hang onto the embryos for a few more years until we knew for sure that we were ready to proceed with snowflake adoption. Then,14 months later, came the unexpected and ridiculously happy news that little Easton was on his way. Right then and there, as the rush of emotions set in that I was literally going to have three babies, I knew it was time to start exploring snowflake adoption. We began the process last summer (2012) with Nightlight Christian Adoption Agency. By going through an agency, Ryan and I had complete control in who the embryos were adopted to and likewise they, of course, had to agree to us as well. Earlier this year a lovely couple who live in Colorado were presented to us. They shared a beautiful Shutterfly album showcasing their life, their struggle, their families, and most importantly their love. We felt an immediate connection and knew they were going to be the parents of our embryos. They officially adopted the embroys a few months ago and she was implanted with two on July 15th. She tested 8 days later with a perfectly POSITIVE blood test! Her numbers are increasing beautifully and her doctors are confident in the pregnancy. She will find out on August 15 if there are one or two little peanuts growing inside of her. I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions I experienced upon learning the news of her pregnancy, but am so incredibly happy. Wow! So amazing. We did it. We gave these perfect little embryos a chance at life with parents who will adore them. For us there was no other choice. I often look at Clayton and Chloe and wonder how they got to be the lucky two of eighteen that were chosen to be mine. How could we not give the others the same chance at life? Simple decision for us. Difficult and unimaginable for others. I understand that. We are rejoicing right now, and praying as I hope any who read this blog will, that the little embryos inside her continue to thrive. As Dr. Kan said, this whole deal was being directed by a higher power. It still is. The miracle of life is most amazing! Thank you D & R. You are a blessing to our family and the little miracles growing inside of you!